Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
