I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
