Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
