I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
