I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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