Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
