my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
