i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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