Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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