I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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