May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
