at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
