Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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