champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
