If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
