Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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