then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
