I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
