i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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