sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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