i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
