Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
