he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
