im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
