I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
