She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
