Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
