quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
