btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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