we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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