Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
