i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
