sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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