The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
