You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
