What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
