Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
