I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
