So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
