my soul wont recognize me after tonight
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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