So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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