So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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