Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
