I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
