i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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