atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
