I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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