My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
