Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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