Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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