Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
