She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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