You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
