with your own penis?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
